Hashtags Don’t Save Children, You Do #saveourchildren

What will save our children?

Not a # with adrenaline boosting stories about kidnapping. 

Not a political party or religious belief.

Not over-blown stories about celebrity pedophile rings. 

Not sensationalized mis-used numbers about missing children. 

Not code words about how to order a child at a restaurant or through a furniture shop. 

Not a single child will be saved by a hashtag.

When that’s all we focus on, we miss what’s happening in our own family, neighborhood, church, school, and local community. Children need to be seen, heard, validated, and loved. When we do this, we level the playing field for all children to avoid being trafficked. When we do this, we notice the kids that have bruises, injuries, and need us to stand up for them.

When too many people are talking at once, listen to the voices of lived experience. Here is what I know would have made a difference for me: 

Teach children empowering language so they have words to accurately tell us about their bodies without shame.

Don’t make other adults in their lives decipher what “cookies” or “wee-wee” or other ambiguous words we use because of our own embarrassment and shame with penis, vagina, and breasts. 

Educate all ages about consent. Then respect their choices.  

Children don’t owe anyone a hug or kiss. If we take a lack of attention from a child personally, well, that’s our story to manage. Not theirs. 

Be the family that creates a healthy sense of love, belonging, trust, and respect. 

Take action on the small injustices because your action tells them they matter. Only then will kids share the big stuff. When they feel minimized or unheard, trust is broken.

Help kids outline a game plan for when they are shown an image or body part that isn’t by consent. 

Talk to them about ways to respond when their peers are not treating others with respect and participating in consent.

Why would they know what to do if we haven’t discussed strategies with them? If we practice fire drills and tornado drills at school, surely we can discuss what to do at a party or in a bullying situation. Think about how you would have handled something different if you’d been prepared as a young person.

To do this well we need to re-educate ourselves- it’s time for a cultural revolution that starts paying attention to each child in our midst. Every adult can choose to be the informed and safe adult that kids can trust. 

Grandpa, you can help shape your family legacy by interrupting this age old model of “let the boys be the boys”.

Grandma, you can change the future of your family because you chose to raise the young women’s voices in your family today.

Aunts and Uncles can say “we don’t tell jokes like that anymore because we know better” and “disrespecting others isn’t how we thrive, we respect every human.”

Silence is harmful and traumatic all by itself. When we know there is a predator of children in our midst, do the right thing, report the situation to the authorities and allow the professionals into your lives to help sort out criminal actions, healthy boundaries, and recovery. Leaving a child alone in an abusive environment and hoping something changes is like asking a child to fix the family car without any tools. The burden is on the healthy adults and caregivers in a child’s life. Ignoring predators and abuse is criminal.

Physical and sexual abuse of children is epidemic and happens at a much higher rate than children being abducted and sold. Being willing to interrupt abuse in our family systems is hard and necessary and directly impacts the vulnerability of kids in regard to trafficking, substance abuse, and homelessness. When recovery happens in a timely manner, kids can learn early that they are much more than their trauma. 

Do trafficking and pedophile rings and networks exist? Yes, absolutely. Can we individually do anything about them? Not much, that work is best left to the professionals, and again speak up for the child in your midst that’s being abused in any way and networks will be exposed that you don’t realize exist. 

Spend time and energy on the children we can build safe healthy relationships with, because if everyone did just that criminals would be threatened with a generation of strong, confident, truth telling kids that will know their human rights and know how to get help from smart healthy adults. We just have to treat children better than the criminals. 

It’s these hard, awkward, and healthy ways of being with the children in our lives that reduces the vulnerability of being trafficked. Children that are never taught self-respect and consent with their bodies, children that have unresolved trauma and sexual abuse in their history, children that are looking for love, validation, and belonging are among the children and adults that find themselves in hard places with no one to turn to for help. Traffickers and pedophiles find those among us that have unmet physical and/or emotional needs. Rarely are victims kidnapped. 

Children and adults that are currently victims, they need a healthy community to recover in – that is how you can help. Be educated, be healthy.

Prevention is helping kids understand their value as humans and teaching them to value all humans. This is worthwhile work. #keepitlocal #lovekids #changeculture

 

 

Dear Movement Allies,

Dear Movement Allies,

Please don’t use the words “rescue” or “save” anymore. This story is not about you. It’s about me finding freedom from violent oppression.

Rescue negates my resilience to survive while pursuing my freedom. Pursue freedom. Yes, I did that all the while I was not free.

Save limits my ability to participate in my freedom. Rescue says I’m not capable of taking a step toward you. I did run to you a million times in my mind before taking that literal first step.

Save removes my choice to respond to your outreach. Rescue says I did not ask for help. I silently screamed for help at the top of my lungs until the day I found my voice and you were ready to hear me.

Save says I’m helpless. Rescue says I’m a charity. I say I’m resourceful, feisty, strong.

Save implies a happily-ever-after magical ending. Rescue says you are the hero. I’m the hero of my life—I need to be my own hero, to be empowered to persist in the years of recovery ahead.

Rescue says my hands and feet were bound, your eyes cannot not see the bondage that held me.

Less than five percent of the time have I been literally bound. Reflect the greater percent of my lived experience, the truth.

Those images of me bruised and beaten may have been true before I was free. The truth many don’t want to see is that during most of my captivity, I looked just like you.

That likeness of me bound with chains? Please don’t use it. Sensationalized large metal chains have never been wrapped around me.

The photos of me behind bars or with ropes around my wrists are metaphors we don’t use anymore. I’ve not been locked in a cage with a key you could hold.

Please don’t show me naked or in the shadows. If we mislead with images and words, my community will never see me living in their midst. Liberate me by showing the world that I look like you.

I need words and images that provoke respect, not pity or sympathy.

Show me how dignity looks on me.

As I re-build my life, celebrate each step of that, please. Show the world my smile. And when my story can help prevent, educate, or inform, please share my story.

Not the sordid, degrading details of my horror. This harms everyone.

Give the hero’s journey to me—no matter my age. The triumphant survivor learning to live and love.

The courageous actions that continue to lead to me to new levels of freedom. The flame of hope that I keep feeding. The resilience I exercise to undo the influence of force, fraud, coercion.

Words I agree with: identified, recovered, exit, escape, self-rescue. Images I agree with will reflect human strength, resiliency, triumph.

As a child, I need help to exit, just like I need someone to teach me how to ride my bike. Empower me to be my own hero by walking beside me. Teach me to make choices of my own. Show me how to develop my sense of self. Please don’t say that you rescued or saved me;  then I owe you, and I’ve paid enough already. Please don’t use my story and my photo to raise money, I don’t owe you. Especially if I am a minor, can you see how re-exploitive this is for me?

Ask me about my current life, which reflects post-traumatic growth, love, security. Ask not if I’m happy, but what brings me happiness.

Ask me about my first snorkeling adventure—because I survived so I could experience that innocent child-like joy that induced giggles and tears.

Ask me about my river trips in stunning desert canyons—because I’m worthy of whitewater adventure.

In these questions, you’ll discover I’m much more like you than you’ve imagined.

This movement needs you, and me. Let’s remind everyone of my ability to rise beyond freedom.

Respectfully,
Angela, a thriving survivor
www.angelaraeclark.com / Feel free to share electronically with your group or organization. I believe this piece applicable for all survivors of violence and oppression. Survivors, feel free to share and add in the points that are important to you that I’ve failed to include. Kindly give credit to me for this piece. Thank you, Angela
For additional articles on how to address trafficking in the media, please visit: http://www.theirinaproject.org/resources.html